escapism masked as wanderlust
A couple of years back I stayed in Paris for one month to improve my French. Staying there in that beautiful city was an absolute blast: Free from my ordinary, demanding life back in Switzerland, I explored the city every day and visited numerous art museums, cafés and historical buildings after language course hours.
At that moment, I could not remember the last time I had felt so free - to choose where to go next, what to eat and buy, whom to spend time with and when to leave a place. I was inspired by Paris’ century long history that was reflected in its art, people and buildings. I planned out all of my trips and visits in a little girly tourist booklet for young adults.
I also remember how devastated I was when I had to go back to Switzerland to pursue my studies. That taste of freedom never left my memory and as I glorified that city, I would refer back to it whenever I felt trapped and unhappy in the years to come. Especially while studying law - a time when I was emotionally and mentally miserable - I recall regularly searching for affordable train rides to Paris and being unable to book a train trip because of the financial burden and my various responsibilities as a law student.
Even years later, after I had quit law and decided to pursue happiness within, I had this immense wanderlust within me that was constantly glorifying traveling to new places. I had attracted a remote, part-time job that paid well, which gave me no more excuses to get out there and explore the world.
Still, something never felt right when it came to my Wanderlust. There was always pain that popped up when I thought of traveling which ultimately always kept me from packing my bags and getting out there to discover the world. It’s this immense, subconscious pain which many of my clients experience when we are discussing their need to travel.
A pain so strong, every attempt to encourage them to let go of their greediness results in a strong unwillingness to reflect on their wanderlust and understand what they are trying to escape from. I call it the shadow aspect of Wanderlust.
Don’t get me wrong - traveling is a beautiful thing when you do it from love and not for love: Broadening your horizon, exploring and connecting with nature and meeting like-minded people are just a few perks of traveling. Letting go of the shadow aspect won’t result in you losing your interest in traveling. On the contrary. It will make it more meaningful, because you remove the “I” while you make decisions that lower your negative environmental or cultural impact. Best of all, you aren’t traveling because your “ordinary” life sucks so much and you need to flee or create some sort of dopamine driven band-aid so you don’t bleed out because of it.
If you have a hunch that this might apply to you, I encourage you to be honest with yourself as you answer the following questions:
Which emotions are present when I experience the desire to get away and travel?
What events tend to trigger those feelings?
When was the first time I remember feeling this way?
In what way is traveling going to solve those feelings?
What benefits do I associate with traveling?
Which feelings and experiences do I hope to witness as soon as I get away?
How would I feel if I were not able to travel for a while?
Some of my clients do indeed have feelings such as boredom, fear of missing out, unhappiness, captivity or sadness that trigger their desire to get away from their “ordinary” life. In fact, us humans do have a natural nomadic instinct to pack up and move on when a situation is dreadful. Our brain is wired to search for the next pleasurable dopamine rush which can result in us not looking left or right when we follow through with our desires.
The flip side - which most of my clients can’t see when they are driven by these painful feelings and desires - is that our mind deems the situation that we are currently in as “not good enough” because there is a place somewhere out there that would make us feel better. As if our (thought) patterns were not to get ahold of us after some time, having us repeat the past all over and guess what: Wanting to escape again.
If you were able to answer some of the questions above, you’ll learn a lot about which emotions and triggers drive you. Instead of constantly being at their mercy, accept your responsibility and become the investigator of your inner world. Find out what past and/or present experience triggers your urge to get away. Figure out why your everyday life is painful or “not enough” and how you can meet your needs so you regularly experience the emotions that drive you to travel.
Every time the shadow aspect of your Wanderlust is triggered, you can decide to go deep, get to know yourself and apply what you have learned in your everyday life. You are not the victim of your urge to get away!
Now, years after my month-long stay in Paris, my urge to move on has become much weaker. When it does come up, I notice the event or underlying emotion that triggered my Wanderlust. I understand and acknowledge the desire to be somewhere where I feel better. I then let go of the pain of not being there at that moment. Having set the intention to act from love and not for love, I now better understand what meaningful travel looks like to me and what I need to do in everyday life in order to get my emotional needs met.
Much love,
